1) A common getting to know me question is: "¿Cuantos hijos tiene?" or "How many kids do you have?" Hmm... Actually, I don't have any children. "But you have a husband right?" Yes I'm married. No, there is nothing wrong with me. Then, to me, the follow-up feels something like: "Why have a husband if not to provide for childcare expenses?" or even: "Don't worry! You will have one soon so you too can feel useful and fulfilled." It's as if people feel sorry for me because I have no children. My U.S. cultural experience is that as a 24 year-old with professional goals not having a kid is entirely natural and highly preferable!
2) During a meeting with our community's water committee we were discussing and organizing the next materials purchase for the project. Four men and myself. As things sometimes go down out here in the campo, we were having a pretty drawn out conversation about what types of faucets to buy. All of the sudden a very nice Señor turned directly to me and said something like: "You know Lorena it's like when Alejandro tells you to cook chicken for dinner, but without salt. Chicken with salt and chicken without salt aren't the same thing. Just like all faucets aren't the same." Okaaaayyyy... Thank you señor for describing to me that not all faucets are the same in the universal women's language of food preparation, but Alejandro rarely orders me to prepare chicken for him to his salt preferences! This story sounds made up or exaggerated, but it is real and sounds so zany because our gender cultures are different. In this situation was he was 100% serious and thought he was helping me understand what the men were discussing in a gender appropriate context. He doesn't have a single 'jerk' bone in his body, but if this was said to me under my cultural norms I would feel different perhaps even insulted.
3) In Panama the majority of the women cook. The women stay home, mind the house and prepare food. If Alex isn't at home and someone comes around the house, they often ask me if I am busy "preparando la cena" or "preparing the dinner." Not to call me out or make me feel like a bad wife nor to be a macho asshole, just to strike up conversation and be their friendly, campo selves! People are just using what they know to interact with me. It happens this way to Alex too. If he is out and about near mealtime without me, people ask how I am and assume I am in the house cooking. I might be out on business on my own or traveling to the city or napping or hiking and if I do happen to be cooking, it might just be for me because I may have no idea if Alex ate or not. Through the U.S. cultural lens it would seem they think my sole purpose in life is to provide "la cena" for Alejandro. That, of course is not my sole purpose, and nor is the person at fault by assuming that I am at home cooking because that is what women do here.
Hablando de la cena...When I first arrived to my community and was struggling with Spanish, a nice young neighbor of mine offered to help me advance my language skills. She made me a notebook with basic Spanish words and phrases she thought were imperative for communicating in the community. Amongst basic phrases like "buenos días" and "necisito agua" was the phrase "¿Alejandro, quieres la cena ya? Which in English is "Alex, do you want dinner now?" Under the Panamanian cultural norms, asking my husband when he would like his dinner is just as important as "Good morning" and "I need water."
4) During a "junta" in el campo the work is very much divided in between men's work and women's work. The men do all the manual labor such as chopping down and carrying fire wood, digging holes, carrying cement, building houses, lo que sea. The women do all the cooking, cleaning, sewing and babysitting. During our last "junta" in San Juanito I was carrying firewood with the men. As always, the men gave me less wood and constantly questioned my ability to hike with 30 pounds of wood on my shoulder, BUT because I am a "gringa" I was able to work with the men, but they still never let me forget that I was doing "man's work."
The women comment too. When I arrived back to the house from carrying wood, all the women stopped and stared. Some said out loud "¡Ai me da lastima ver Lorena abajo esta leña!" Which translates to "Oh! It's such a shame to see Lorena carrying firewood!" They immediately pulled me up a chair and ordered me to rest in the shade. I then began to observe the women around me, cooking, cleaning and sewing. I wanted to jump in and help! After all it was a 'junta!' Only Now the problem became I am a 'gringa.' Gringas dont know how to sew sombreros or how to cook chicken and rice the Panamanian way.
I was stuck. Stuck in between both worlds. In the man's word I was able to carry wood because I am a gringa, but I could only carry a little because I am a woman. In the women's world I shouldn't be carrying wood because I am a woman, but I couldn't sew or cook with the women because I am a gringa.
In the junta I didn't belong with the women because I am a white woman and I didn't belong with the men because after all I am still a woman. Tricky how that works!
5) It does make for a hilarious blast when we openly challenge the Panamanian gender roles and talk about it with people. Recently, Alex decided he would try to make lasagna. He stayed home cooking and I was out and about visiting people. One Señora found out and said to me "Ese Alejandro es un bellaco! El cocina Y lava!" "That Alejandro is a scoundrel! He cooks AND washes!" The señora couldn't believe that a man knew how to cook AND wash and she thought it was the most hilarious thing! I guess its because in Panamá it's rare to see a man cooking and washing.
6) As in the United States, women often get cat-called or whistled at here in Panama, but It's a little different. When I am outside San Juanito I get hissed at (yes, 'hissed at'), whistled at, hollered at, starred at, etc. I have had trucks full of men literally stop in the middle of the road to look at me. I have yet to walk past a construction site without getting a "hey baby" from the workers. As you can imagine, knowing me and my values, this wears on me! However, when I am with Alex the men's behavior changes completely. I still get started at, but they wouldn't dare make a comment for fear of facing the scary wrath of the big, bearded man walking with the "gringa bonita."
Despite all these awkward situations, being a women in Panamá sometimes has its advantages even when I'm not with Alex. Take riding in taxis for example. I get picked up in seconds and charged reduced fares. Two of my Peace Corps girlfriends and I got a free taxi ride in the city just because! If we would have been with men, that would probably have not happened.
Wow! What a complicated and emotionally-charged issue for me! With all of this I am not trying to say Panamá is a horribly sexist place, nor is everything perfect for women in the United States. I just wanted to shed some light on the subject and show some of the cultural differences when it comes to gender roles and a woman's part in the home and society.
Love,
Lauren "bra burner" Hayes
